"It's something you learn to live with."You're still young. A tragic loss—such as of a child or spouse at an early age—is an unbearable loss, but in wanting to help the mourner see that she can be happy again, we may say inappropriate things.
"I knew a woman who lost her husband, and her mother said, 'You can get married again,'"remembers Kessler I saw a devastated daughter but also a mother trying to help her daughter live the life her husband would have wanted her to live.
Take care of your dad,'" recalls David Kessler, co-author of with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD.
"They were all well-meaning, but what I could have used instead was people saying, 'This is going to hurt, but I'm here for you.'" When in doubt, says Kessler, err on the side of silence. "My co-author taught me if you're not sure what to do, just listen." Your loved one lived a good, long life.
That's the beauty and the fierceness and the strength of a mother's love.
You are irrevocably changed, in the sweetest, head-over-heels, all-in, never-stopping way. That's the promise you made when you swore to love them every second of their life and every second of your own, no matter what the cost was on your heart. It's stronger than any amount of pain, than a sea of tears, than even the grasp of death.
Saying the wrong thing usually comes from wanting to help," explains Kessler.
"Clean the house, take the kids to school and go grocery shopping," advises Pederson.
Nothing on this earth has shown me unconditional love better than the love of a grieving momma.
When a friend loses a loved one, our hearts ache for them.
Plus, they may not want to pick up the phone and burden others.
When Pedersen lost her mom, friends showed up and figured out what was needed in the moment.